Raised by a pack of wild narwhales off the north coast of Greenland, I started drawing on the walls of glaciers. At the age of 16 I was banished from the narwhale community for what they called “inappropriate graffiti.” A few years later I made my way to America where I gained my citizenship by marrying an elderly widow who needed company. I spent most of my free time drawing and painting unicorn vaginas in hopes that one day the art could unite mankind and bring world peace. Three years later, my ticket to America was dead and my ideas for world peace were too. Having abandoned my old dreams I set out to become a tattoo artist. Six years after that, I do what I love and love what I do. Not too many orphans from the Arctic Circle can say that.